Boredom

You've heard those words, "I'm bored!" You have said them yourself. I've said them myself. Now I don't know about you, but there is no reason on earth for me to be bored. I am a mom, so my work is never done. I am also a student, so there is virtually always something to read or something to write. (I have a 12-15 page paper to write right now, and school doesn't even start until September...) And because that isn't enough, I also have a job, so there is probably an event to plan or a volunteer to support or a lesson to review. So how can I be bored?

When I am bored, it signifies one of two things. I'm avoiding doing something that "needs" doing or I am struggling with solitude. The first thing has been covered in other blog entries and will be covered in future blog entries because it is closely related to my worst habit that I am willing to publish on the World Wide Web - procrastination. No need to cover it here. So that leaves the second reason I am bored, my ongoing struggle with solitude.

According to Dr. Seuss, "Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot." This assurance does nothing to help me gain understanding that solitude does not have to be lonely. Time alone could be used to get to know myself and my Creator, something I have neglected over the past several decades. As I'm beginning to do this, I find that God and I are both good company. As I have found those quiet places in my life, those "boring" places, I have begun to develop a bit more faith and a fragile self-respect. I know that this will carry me far as I walk, skip, and sometimes stumble along this twisting path.

The right path

Do you ever wonder if you are on the "right" path? This is where I seem to spend a lot of my life. Wondering. Am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Am I buying the right car/washing machine/dining room table/brand of pasta? I wonder, is this a good use of my time? Am I even asking the right questions? Perhaps new questions are in order. Questions that have answers... Am I acting with integrity? Am I having a positive impact on the world around me? What is my constant doubt-filled questioning keeping me from doing?

There is a place in life for wondering and doubting, but raising it to an art form fuels my other worst habit (or at least the other worst habit I'm going to share with the world wide web), procrastination.

The Twisting Path

Let's go back a year. No, two years is better. Two years ago I was in the midst of figuring out what to do with my time as my children begin to leave the nest. I was thinking a little ahead, but after not working outside the home for 15 years, I knew I would need some education before I could reenter my former career or begin a new vocation. This little voice, still and small, kept invading my thoughts. "Go into ministry," it said. "Go to seminary." My inner engineer (my BC career) had a good laugh. The logical reasons for going to seminary were lacking. The reasoning part of my brain could not wrap herself around going to an expensive private school fairly far from home to study material far outside her education. The still, small voice and the reasoning voice debated for a long time. Last September I began my seminary education.

My life's path has been characterized by twists and turns, switchbacks and dead ends, obstacles and forks in the road.

This blog is about my experience on the twisting path.