For Those of Us Who Believe in That Kind of Thing

This morning we read in church, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). Faith is a topic about which I have experienced some doubt recently. Okay, honestly, a lot of doubt. Mountains of doubt. In fact, I spent some time in my pastor's office just this week with my head in my hands, unwilling to look him in the eyes, asking, "What if there is no God? What if I am working my tail off (actually I think I used an earthier term) to serve someone or something who doesn't exist?" By odd coincidence or the work of the Holy Spirit, for those of us who believe in that kind of thing, or the work of whatever committee devised the Revised Common Lectionary, faith was present in all of this week's readings, the worship service, and the sermon. Which means that faith was probably already on the pastor's mind when I expressed my doubts. Which explains why his response then and the worship service today are meaningful to me.

So does this mean my questions are answered? My doubts vanquished? Pardon the loud guffaws. Doubt and questioning seem to be indelibly inscribed in my character. If you wish to say a prayer, for those of us who believe in that kind of thing, for my doubting, questioning ways, feel free. Perhaps say one for my pastor too, that he may persevere in the torrent of my continuing doubts. And maybe one for my theology professor in the fall too, who may perhaps relieve my pastor of some of these questions.

I value the presence of people in my life whose faith seems unshakable. At the same time I thank God, for those of us who believe in that kind of thing, that I belong to a church that allows, even embraces, questions and doubts and differing beliefs. And, if you are reading this, thanks, Pastor Kevin, for having faith in me when I lack faith and questioning my questions and challenging me to grow.

The right path

Do you ever wonder if you are on the "right" path? This is where I seem to spend a lot of my life. Wondering. Am I on the right path? Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Am I buying the right car/washing machine/dining room table/brand of pasta? I wonder, is this a good use of my time? Am I even asking the right questions? Perhaps new questions are in order. Questions that have answers... Am I acting with integrity? Am I having a positive impact on the world around me? What is my constant doubt-filled questioning keeping me from doing?

There is a place in life for wondering and doubting, but raising it to an art form fuels my other worst habit (or at least the other worst habit I'm going to share with the world wide web), procrastination.